Who Knew This Could Happen?

To all of those people who have said to me over the years: "You'll feel differently when it's your children" . . . bring on the I-told-you-so's. I never in a million years could have expected motherhood to be like this. My entire perspective and thought-process has seem to do a 180° in the span of an hour and I've never been happier in my life.

To recap the past few weeks:
My children, Delessi May and Rosalie Marie, were born at 5:33pm (in the same minute!) on March 2, 2010 via elective cesarean. I developed postpartum preeclampsia after my babies were born and everyone was afraid that I was going to have a stroke or something because my blood pressure was so high. Eventually my blood pressure went down a little and after 3 days in the hospital my babies and I were able to come home. Since then my recovery has been extremely swift, despite a brief scare with Rosalie they have been 100% healthy, happy babies and I'm feeling better than I have ever felt in my life.

I had never imagined that motherhood would be like this for me. I had heard how there's the instant bond between mother and child and that the love the mother feels can be sudden and all-consuming. I never really believed that it would be like that for me. I never expected that I would just be able to look at my girls and start tearing up because they're such amazing, perfect, little angels. I never, in a hundred years, would have imagined that I would have a maternal bone in my body. But all of my doubts and assumptions were quickly evaporated into thin air the moment I saw my girls in the OR. I literally broke down in tears of joy the minute I heard them cry and ever since then I've been in love.

Everything in my life seems easier. Even being a mother--a task that I imagined would be daunting and that I would have a lot of trouble bonding with my children because, A: I had never even held a newborn in my life and had no idea how I was going to learn how to be a mother, and B: I've never really been a baby person to begin with--has become as natural to me as breathing. Despite the juggling needed with twins and the exhaustion that comes of it, I don't feel overwhelmed and feel so blessed because the girls seem to be happy, contented babies. They're rarely fussy, and even when they are, I'm not alone. Between my mother, my father, my sister and occasionally my brother-in-law, I have a great support system this far and I never seem at a loss for help when I need it.

Honestly, I just never thought it would be like this--that this could happen to me. From the second I saw them, I could never imagine a world without them in it. All I want is to be there for them and to be good for them. As someone who has always suffered from some kind of emptiness and darkness within my mind, it all seems filled with joy and light. I just don't think the way that I used to anymore. And all of the drama and the seemingly daunting aspects of everyday life seem so miniscule now that I can't imagine why everything seemed so hard before. I look at my life before March 2nd and I don't even know that person anymore, and it feels great.

Below are just a few pictures of the girls. I obviously have a lot more, but I just wanted to post up a few here because I'm so proud of them.


Rosalie and Delessi


Delessi


Rosalie


Nessie and Rosie with Mama

My First Late Night Hospital Visit...

So, last night was kind of an adventure. As some of you may know, my baby shower was yesterday, and it turned out to be a really lovely event. I was thankful my family and friends were able to come and that I was able to participate in the day despite blinding back-pains and horrible swelling of my feet. During the shower, I remember saying something along the lines of, "Well, thank God I made it past my shower--that was my big concern--now they can come out!" jokingly to my sister. Well, apparently, that was a really bad choice of words.

Around 10-something, I started having my normal Braxton-Hicks contractions. They weren't painful at all, just the normal tightening of my stomach. Of course, I've been having bad pains for a while now throughout my entire body, so I didn't think much of it when these pains started spreading to my back. To be honest, it wasn't until I got up to go to the restroom at around 11:45pm that I started having shooting cramps throughout my pelvis. I figured walking would help since it usually did, but every time I seemed to move they only got worse and my contractions started getting painful. By 1am this morning, I was sitting in the living room with my mother, watching NatGeo (National Geographic, in case you didn't know) and my contractions were coming about ever 10-11 minutes and they were bareable, but I had a lot of pain in my lower back, my groin was hurting badly, my pelvis, and everything seemed to radiate down into my thighs. Nothing really seemed to help the pain ebb, either.

By this time, it was time to consult the baby books and read over symptoms of false labor, pre-labor, and active labor. (As a side note, I feel so bad for my mother, who must have been shitting her pants, but managed to keep it together. She's usually very emotional and quick to get excitable, so the fact that she managed to remain calm is a huge stepping stone for her, and I'm glad to learn that come my actual delivery, she might not fall to pieces.) My mother and I scoured the texts, trying desperately to determine my symptoms. Unfortunately, since all pregnancies and subsequent deliveries are different, no one can exactly explain what a contraction is "supposed" to feel like, so all of the books say the same thing: they list off symptoms and say "If you experience any of these symptoms, contact your doctor or midwife right away," so that's what I did. As a result, at around 1:40am, my mother, father, sister and I were on our way to the Winne Palmer Hospital for Women & Babies.

After parking, being sent to triage and registering (which, blessedly, only took a few minutes), my mother and I were escorted to a oddly-shaped--though not unpleasant--room where I was to be tested and monitored. The lengthy processes of monitoring my identical twins' near-perfectly synced heart beats, the strength of my contractions, and putting me on an IV Drip took nearly 2 hours in itself, while my sister and my father waited in the triage waiting center for any news from my mother, who was in the room with me. After being monitored for a while, the doctor was finally able to come in and check me, and told me that I wasn't dilated at all--thank goodness--but that I would still have to be monitored for awhile because my blood pressure had been a little high and my contractions were still coming regularly. So, after spending another hour being monitored, I was given a lovely pill that quieted my abdomen's spazams and, blessedly, induced drowsiness.

As it turns out, my pre-labor pains were perfectly normal, my blood pressure turned out to settle back down, and the fear that I may have had preclampsia was finally resolved. Apparently, due to the fact that I'm having identical twins, it's a lot easier for my abdominal wall to be set off into contractions than it would be for a singleton gestation. As a result, any slight dehydration, being overly-active or the babies shifting about too much can trigger spazams that will turn into contractions that, though they are painful and feel just like true labor contractions, will not induce actual labor since that is strictly horomonal. They wrote me a prescription for a lovely drug that will cause these spazams relax when I have them and will help the pain to ebb (and also knock me out, which is great, considering I have most of my contractions and pains in the early morning hours anyway).

All in all, the event wasn't entirely unpleasant, as I learned how to differentiate my contractions and help to ease the false contractions should I have another episode before I'm ready to deliver. The only thing I really wish I could have helped was the simple fact that my poor sister and father were left in a waiting room for nearly four hours, and that my mother was extremely anxious and nervous for me and her grandbabies. As a result, I've come up with a few helpful tips when dealing with waiting rooms and/or waiting in a hospital room:

1. Invest in Bringing an Electronic Device


Whether your cell phone has games or you have an amazing playlist on your MP3 player, this is an electronic era. If the hospital allows electronics (some still don't), make sure that you have your Nintendo DS or something on hand to help pass the time. If you're stuck in a waiting room it can help time fly and help ease your worries or fears in between updates on the patient.


2. Read, Read, Read


Let's face it--it's a waiting room. There are going to be magazines and stuff on hand. But magazines can only help so much. Bring a book or a comic or something with you that you actually want to read. This is also helpful if you're actually in the waiting room with the patient, too, as it will keep your mind busy enough so that you may distract yourself from worrying a bit.


3. Hangin' Wit' Yo' Peeps


Although some people may find themselves alone in a waiting room, if you came with someone or someone you know is there (even someone you may not be particularly fond of), then chatting idly to pass some time definitely helps. Again, it serves a distraction from worrying, and you may learn something you didn't know before. If you're in the room with the patient, and he/she is able to talk, then DO it. It won't only help you, but it will make things easier on the patient as well!


4. Food


Sometimes hospitals don't allow food in waiting rooms or in hospital rooms (and if the patient isn't allowed to eat, you shouldn't eat in front of him/her, btw), but if they do, it's always nice to have a snack handy because you know that your stomach is gonna' start grumbling eventually. Not to mention that if you wind up being hungry without anything to satisfy you, it's gonna' make waiting around seem a lot longer.


5. Updates--and I don't mean on Twitter


If you're in the room with the patient and learn new information--whether it's good or bad--make sure you keep those in the waiting room informed. That's why they're there, waiting for information or to be allowed back into the room that you're already in. Trust me, any news is better than sitting around, worrying and dredging up the worst possible outcomes of a situation.


6. Make the Best of It


I know you're tired--it's probably 3am somewhere and you're stuck in a hospital when all you want to do is go to sleep--but try to stay positive. It's the best thing that you can possibly do for yourself. Though it may seem hard, you'll find that if you try to keep a smile on your face you'll set yourself at ease, and even those around you--especially if you're with the patient and, let's face it, he/she really needs to be kept as relaxed as possible.