Meeting Your Ex's New Girlfriend (How to Deal)

Let me start off by explaining a little bit about myself. I can be somewhat...overwhelming at times. I try to reign it in when it's appropriate, but for the most part I tend to be pretty out-going and friendly. Sometimes it can make people uncomfortable and I'm aware of that, so I try to cater to people when I sense that they're uncomfortable.

There are very few things more uncomfortable in this world than meeting your ex's new "significant other". Let me tell you how I dealt with this awkward situation tonight:

I'll admit, when I get anxious, I tend to talk too fast and too much, but for the first time in my life I did neither of these things tonight, I'm proud to say. However, that didn't keep things from going south all too quickly.

My ex invited me to a barbeque this evening, and informed me that his new girlfriend would be there and that he'd like me to meet her. I, of course, agreed, thinking nothing of it. After all, he and I are the best of friends, and I was excited to cross this threshold of our new relationship with one another. So, after I finished with some of my maternity photos today, I headed over to his sister's place to hang out for a little while.

When I got there, I informed him of my presence. His sister came out to fetch me, which was pretty odd, but I didn't think anything of it. When I got inside, he was sitting with his niece in his lap at the kitchen table next to his girlfriend. I said my hellos and still, everything seemed fine. In an effort to do something nice, I invited his new girlfriend to take portraits of her with her son for free, as my brother is a professional photographer and the prints would be free. She was gracious and seemed to accept my offer without any awkwardness.

After that, everything seemed to fall deeper and deeper into awkwardness. Thank God my ex's sister was there, otherwise I may have gone insane. My ex just sat there quietly, saying very little and doing nothing in attempt to make things more comfortable. I'm not the type of person to just sit quietly in awkward silence, so I tried everything I could to make the situation less tense. I tried to include the new girlfriend in conversation, tried talking to my ex, and talked to my ex's sister a lot of the time because she seemed to be the only one willing to throw a rope in the general direction that I was drowning in.

Shortly after, my ex took his new girlfriend and left rather unceremoniously--as if he couldn't wait to get the heck out of there. He made up some excuse to flee quickly, and no one seemed to think anything of it. Except for me, who knew better. I stayed for a little while, so as not to be rude, and chatted with everyone for a bit before taking my leave (I have to be up at 6am anyway for a doctor's appointment, so hopefully no one was offended).

Unable to shake the feeling that something was wrong, I decided to text my ex and find out what the story is. He tells me that I made his new girlfriend uncomfortable with my "fast and awkward" talking and made her feel uncomfortable by offering professional portraits as the first thing to say to her.

I'm sorry--what?

I'd never felt more abandoned in my life. I felt completely set up, as if he threw me down a mountainside without teaching me to ski properly and then got upset with me when I fell down. It's completely insane. I've never been the type of person to just sit happily in silence while I hear ice cracking beneath me. It's insane. I understand that I needed to be on my "good behavior" and to be honest, she seemed very nice, but for God's sake, I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not just so that I can make his life easier--especially when they both had every opportunity to make things less awkward by partaking in friendly conversation and not being so...well, stuck up.

To be honest, I'm not upset about the situation. I mean, it's going to be awkward no matter what. Your past love and your new one are meeting for the first time, and someone's utterly terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing, so it puts everyone a little on edge. Not to mention, I'm possibly the mother of his future children which can make things even more uncomfortable. But the fact that I was blamed for said awkwardness was I was left out in the middle of open water, all alone...? No. I'm sorry, that doesn't fly.

But that actually got me to thinking. How are you supposed to deal with meeting your Ex's new girlfriend/boyfriend? I've devised an outline of the basic "proper behavior" for this uncomfortable meeting:

1. Smile
   
   No matter how awkward the situation, or how unhappy you are to be there, smile. It tends to set people at ease.
   
2. Don't Laugh Too Loudly
   
   If you laugh too loudly, people will think you're trying too hard. Keep it light, but sincere (if you can; if you can't, fake it!)
   
3. Don't Talk About Things You and Your Ex May Have Done In the Past
   
   Whether it's skydiving, or dry-humping, don't talk about it. The only occasion where it is acceptable to discuss your past exploits is if it some how can be incorporated to involve the new girl/boyfriend.
   
4. Don't Make the Conversation About You
   
   If you can help it, try to keep the talk about yourself or your doings to a minimum.
   
5. Don't Let Your Ex Compare You
   
   If your ex starts making comparisons between you two, immediately find a way to subtly stop him/her. All it's going to do is get your ex in trouble--with you or with his new boy/girlfriend.
   
6. Stay Positive
   
   Sometimes this can be hard, especially if you still are in love with your ex. But just keep smiling and be kind--you're there because your ex is more than just your ex; he/she is your friend.
   

If you simply follow those simple guidelines, you won't fail. I know it's easier to say than do, but trust me, when the situation is reversed and he/she is meeting your new boy/girlfriend, you'll be able to get a kind of sick satisfaction knowing that your ex is feeling just like you did at this point. ;)