My First Late Night Hospital Visit...

So, last night was kind of an adventure. As some of you may know, my baby shower was yesterday, and it turned out to be a really lovely event. I was thankful my family and friends were able to come and that I was able to participate in the day despite blinding back-pains and horrible swelling of my feet. During the shower, I remember saying something along the lines of, "Well, thank God I made it past my shower--that was my big concern--now they can come out!" jokingly to my sister. Well, apparently, that was a really bad choice of words.

Around 10-something, I started having my normal Braxton-Hicks contractions. They weren't painful at all, just the normal tightening of my stomach. Of course, I've been having bad pains for a while now throughout my entire body, so I didn't think much of it when these pains started spreading to my back. To be honest, it wasn't until I got up to go to the restroom at around 11:45pm that I started having shooting cramps throughout my pelvis. I figured walking would help since it usually did, but every time I seemed to move they only got worse and my contractions started getting painful. By 1am this morning, I was sitting in the living room with my mother, watching NatGeo (National Geographic, in case you didn't know) and my contractions were coming about ever 10-11 minutes and they were bareable, but I had a lot of pain in my lower back, my groin was hurting badly, my pelvis, and everything seemed to radiate down into my thighs. Nothing really seemed to help the pain ebb, either.

By this time, it was time to consult the baby books and read over symptoms of false labor, pre-labor, and active labor. (As a side note, I feel so bad for my mother, who must have been shitting her pants, but managed to keep it together. She's usually very emotional and quick to get excitable, so the fact that she managed to remain calm is a huge stepping stone for her, and I'm glad to learn that come my actual delivery, she might not fall to pieces.) My mother and I scoured the texts, trying desperately to determine my symptoms. Unfortunately, since all pregnancies and subsequent deliveries are different, no one can exactly explain what a contraction is "supposed" to feel like, so all of the books say the same thing: they list off symptoms and say "If you experience any of these symptoms, contact your doctor or midwife right away," so that's what I did. As a result, at around 1:40am, my mother, father, sister and I were on our way to the Winne Palmer Hospital for Women & Babies.

After parking, being sent to triage and registering (which, blessedly, only took a few minutes), my mother and I were escorted to a oddly-shaped--though not unpleasant--room where I was to be tested and monitored. The lengthy processes of monitoring my identical twins' near-perfectly synced heart beats, the strength of my contractions, and putting me on an IV Drip took nearly 2 hours in itself, while my sister and my father waited in the triage waiting center for any news from my mother, who was in the room with me. After being monitored for a while, the doctor was finally able to come in and check me, and told me that I wasn't dilated at all--thank goodness--but that I would still have to be monitored for awhile because my blood pressure had been a little high and my contractions were still coming regularly. So, after spending another hour being monitored, I was given a lovely pill that quieted my abdomen's spazams and, blessedly, induced drowsiness.

As it turns out, my pre-labor pains were perfectly normal, my blood pressure turned out to settle back down, and the fear that I may have had preclampsia was finally resolved. Apparently, due to the fact that I'm having identical twins, it's a lot easier for my abdominal wall to be set off into contractions than it would be for a singleton gestation. As a result, any slight dehydration, being overly-active or the babies shifting about too much can trigger spazams that will turn into contractions that, though they are painful and feel just like true labor contractions, will not induce actual labor since that is strictly horomonal. They wrote me a prescription for a lovely drug that will cause these spazams relax when I have them and will help the pain to ebb (and also knock me out, which is great, considering I have most of my contractions and pains in the early morning hours anyway).

All in all, the event wasn't entirely unpleasant, as I learned how to differentiate my contractions and help to ease the false contractions should I have another episode before I'm ready to deliver. The only thing I really wish I could have helped was the simple fact that my poor sister and father were left in a waiting room for nearly four hours, and that my mother was extremely anxious and nervous for me and her grandbabies. As a result, I've come up with a few helpful tips when dealing with waiting rooms and/or waiting in a hospital room:

1. Invest in Bringing an Electronic Device


Whether your cell phone has games or you have an amazing playlist on your MP3 player, this is an electronic era. If the hospital allows electronics (some still don't), make sure that you have your Nintendo DS or something on hand to help pass the time. If you're stuck in a waiting room it can help time fly and help ease your worries or fears in between updates on the patient.


2. Read, Read, Read


Let's face it--it's a waiting room. There are going to be magazines and stuff on hand. But magazines can only help so much. Bring a book or a comic or something with you that you actually want to read. This is also helpful if you're actually in the waiting room with the patient, too, as it will keep your mind busy enough so that you may distract yourself from worrying a bit.


3. Hangin' Wit' Yo' Peeps


Although some people may find themselves alone in a waiting room, if you came with someone or someone you know is there (even someone you may not be particularly fond of), then chatting idly to pass some time definitely helps. Again, it serves a distraction from worrying, and you may learn something you didn't know before. If you're in the room with the patient, and he/she is able to talk, then DO it. It won't only help you, but it will make things easier on the patient as well!


4. Food


Sometimes hospitals don't allow food in waiting rooms or in hospital rooms (and if the patient isn't allowed to eat, you shouldn't eat in front of him/her, btw), but if they do, it's always nice to have a snack handy because you know that your stomach is gonna' start grumbling eventually. Not to mention that if you wind up being hungry without anything to satisfy you, it's gonna' make waiting around seem a lot longer.


5. Updates--and I don't mean on Twitter


If you're in the room with the patient and learn new information--whether it's good or bad--make sure you keep those in the waiting room informed. That's why they're there, waiting for information or to be allowed back into the room that you're already in. Trust me, any news is better than sitting around, worrying and dredging up the worst possible outcomes of a situation.


6. Make the Best of It


I know you're tired--it's probably 3am somewhere and you're stuck in a hospital when all you want to do is go to sleep--but try to stay positive. It's the best thing that you can possibly do for yourself. Though it may seem hard, you'll find that if you try to keep a smile on your face you'll set yourself at ease, and even those around you--especially if you're with the patient and, let's face it, he/she really needs to be kept as relaxed as possible.

Waiting Impatiently

So, I've kind of just been trying to deal with my own boredom lately. The unfortunate thing is that I keep thinking of things to do but I either hurt too badly to do them, don't have money/gas, or things just fall through. It's driving me a little crazy, but I suppose it could always be worse. The bright side is that my friends have unknowingly been lifting my spirits. They've been calling and texting out of the blue and it's really helped me to know that I'm being thought of and that people are taking the time to check up on me. It's funny, because I really didn't even realize how much I was missing my friends until they started calling out of the blue.

I know it seems kind of archach (did I spell that right?) to have locked myself away for most of my pregnancy, but I can't help it. I'm sure a big part of it has to do with the fact that I haven't been working so I have no money, but honestly I just don't like going out right now. First of all, I'm huge and super-obviously pregnant, and I hate it when people stare at me. Second of all, it's very hard for me to move around and stuff like that because all the weight I've gained is really hard on my joints and bones. I suppose that's it. I mean, all of my friends and stuff know that I'm pregnant--it's not like it's some big, huge secret--but I don't want to be seen like this, I guess. It makes me feel a little vain to admit that, but I can't really help it, and it'll be over soon.

Other than that, I've just really been dealing with helping getting things ready for my baby shower this Saturday. I've taken my maternity photos, and they've turned out great. Right now they're out being retouched and printed but I saw the raw contact sheets of a few photos and they really look great. I'm really pleased with the work done. Baby showers have never really been my cup of tea, but I guess I'm sort of looking forward. I'm not going to lie, I have one of those personalities that kind of scream "look at me, look at me!" but I actually really don't like being the center of attention at all.

There really hasn't been a lot for me to do lately as a whole, but I've mostly been looking forward to the things I'll be able to do after the babies are born, and getting ready for them. In the mean time I've just been doing what I can do to stay busy, such as making plans and stuff for my vlog that's on YouTube at BlackCanaryII (who incidentally is my favorite super heroine). Unfortunately, I haven't really felt up to updating lately, simply because I feel like crap all of the time, ha. But luckily updating my blog on here isn't actually very difficult. But, when you're in my position, it's helpful to have some tips on hand for dealing with this strange "pregnancy boredom":

1. Try to Stay Active


If you can, go for walks or swim or something that will keep your body in motion. For me, I tend to walk a lot because right now it's too cold to swim. If you're doctor has advised against walking, I would suggest floating around in a pool or at least flexing your limbs.


2. Read Up


Invest in a lot of books or magazines. Make sure you don't only get pregnancy magazines and books, though, because they'll just make you even more impatient about having your baby. Read what you wanted to read before you got pregnant and didn't have time for.


3. Don't Underestimate the Power of the Internet


I know it sounds dumb, but the internet has seriously been saving my life. Between the swarms of videos on YouTube and the games and networking on Facebook and the like, you can fill your day. Although, if you can help it, I wouldn't spend all day on the computer.


4. Netflix or Blockbuster


...Can be your best friend. You know how your friends may have suggested movies for you to see but you never got around to it? Now's a great time to get around to it. Movies help pass time and trust me, you'll be thankful for it.


5. Keep a Journal


Or a blog or something of the like. If you don't have a lot of people to talk to, or feel like you don't, then a Journal or Blog or anything simular is a great way to vent and say what you need to say. If you decide to keep your writings private, it's the perfect opportunity to get out everything that you may be too afraid to say aloud, or are afraid of being judged for. Trust me, pregnancy is hard, and we all have had less than rainbow-bright thoughts.


6. Keep Your Phone Close


Keeping your phone on you is a smart idea, and not just for emergency reasons. Trust me, at some point you're going to need to reach out and will need your friends. And when your friends call or text you, you'll feel good to know that there's still someone that you can count on when you're feeling blue or bored out of your mind.

Nerve-Wracking Weekend: Fears for Baby

This has been a bit of a trying few days. I didn't want to blog about it because, to be honest, I was trying really hard not to go crazy thinking about it. Now that I have some answers now, though, I'd like to share how I've been dealing with the agony of not knowing whether or not one of my babies was alive for the past two days.

It all started a few days ago. Friday night, I believe it was, actually. Possibly Saturday night--I'm not really good with time-frames and things like that. But basically I was hanging out with a friend for a majority of the afternoon and early evening. We weren't really doing much. Actually, I was sitting most of the time while he skate-boarded and played with some of the kids in the neighborhood. Nothing that would over-excite me or anything like that, as I am supposed to be "taking it easy".

Not too long after it finally got dark, I started having very painful cramps in my lower abdomen. They didn't really feel painful enough to be contractions, so I didn't think much of it (and to be honest, my pants were getting a little too tight, so I figured that might have something to do with it). I just kept adjusting to the strange non-contractions and delt with it. Eventually, they got so bad that I needed to get up and walk around, which seemed to help. I wasn't feeling a lot of movement from either baby, and it started to worry me although I did my best to keep calm. A friend of mine recently had a baby, so I talked to her, asking her to describe her "fake" contractions, which she did, and it set me at ease some, and after walking around for a little while I seemed to feel a lot better, and eventually went home.

That's when things seemed to get worse.

I still felt no fetal movement from my babies. And the cramps were getting worse. I changed my pants, worried that those may be the cause of a lot of my pains, and once I was comfortable, the cramps did seem to ease up. However, there was this strange pain that I had at the front of my stomach. It was like when you have a bruise and you touch it--it gives off a very distinct, small pain to let you know that you have a bruise there. Only...the bruise felt like it was inside my stomach, and I had no discoloration on my skin that may have been proof of a bruise. I did start feeling some movement, but only on one side of my belly, and where that strange bruised feeling was located was right where my other baby should have been wiggling with her sister.

It was very hard to not think about it all of the time, but I knew that panicking would only make the situation worse. I also knew that it would be absolutely ridiculous to call me doctor after 9pm on a Saturday when I had an appointment Monday morning. Surely I would have to feel something by then, right?

Apparently, not. All Sunday, I felt nothing on that side of my belly.

To be honest, it's very hard to tell with twins who's moving where. My babies have been in this awkward "ying-yang" position (one breech, one vertex), kind of wrapped around each other at an odd tilt for a majority of my pregnancy. Basically, when they kick, they're kicking each other in the face or the side of the head. It also makes kicks hard to differentiate from punches and the like.

Luckily, when I went to the doctor early this morning at 7am, everything seemed to be fine. I marveled at my ability to hold out and not go insane--although I won't lie, I did lose some sleep over the ordeal. It just amazes me how I managed to keep as calm as I did. There was really no research that I could do on my weird bruise-like pain, and to be honest I'm still not quite sure what it is. I'm thankful that everything is normal, and that despite the lack of strong movement, my little girl is doing fine and her heartbeat is strong. Apparently, she's face down, which accounts for the lack of movement--something I told myself over and over again in attempt to keep myself from going nuts.

The biggest reason I'm sharing this story is because of the extreme relief that I feel, and to let those of you out there reading this that sometimes your worst fears don't come true. Don't get me wrong, if I'd gone any longer without feeling something for sure, I would have called my doctor immediately and gotten his opinion--especially if I wasn't going to see the OB this morning. It's important, though, to not let yourself be overwhelmed by your fears. As a first-time mom I know that it can be very hard not to think that every little thing you feel or may not feel is an abnormality that needs to be checked out immediately, but the most important thing you can do is remain calm. If you get overly excited, it can cause more damage than good. Happily, everything worked out for me and things are going swimmingly. If you have any extreme questions or concerns, try looking them up or read from your ample pile of literature on pregnancy (we know that you have it, lol) before calling your doctor. Everything is a lot more manageable if you just remain calm, though, no matter what the case is.

Meeting Your Ex's New Girlfriend (How to Deal)

Let me start off by explaining a little bit about myself. I can be somewhat...overwhelming at times. I try to reign it in when it's appropriate, but for the most part I tend to be pretty out-going and friendly. Sometimes it can make people uncomfortable and I'm aware of that, so I try to cater to people when I sense that they're uncomfortable.

There are very few things more uncomfortable in this world than meeting your ex's new "significant other". Let me tell you how I dealt with this awkward situation tonight:

I'll admit, when I get anxious, I tend to talk too fast and too much, but for the first time in my life I did neither of these things tonight, I'm proud to say. However, that didn't keep things from going south all too quickly.

My ex invited me to a barbeque this evening, and informed me that his new girlfriend would be there and that he'd like me to meet her. I, of course, agreed, thinking nothing of it. After all, he and I are the best of friends, and I was excited to cross this threshold of our new relationship with one another. So, after I finished with some of my maternity photos today, I headed over to his sister's place to hang out for a little while.

When I got there, I informed him of my presence. His sister came out to fetch me, which was pretty odd, but I didn't think anything of it. When I got inside, he was sitting with his niece in his lap at the kitchen table next to his girlfriend. I said my hellos and still, everything seemed fine. In an effort to do something nice, I invited his new girlfriend to take portraits of her with her son for free, as my brother is a professional photographer and the prints would be free. She was gracious and seemed to accept my offer without any awkwardness.

After that, everything seemed to fall deeper and deeper into awkwardness. Thank God my ex's sister was there, otherwise I may have gone insane. My ex just sat there quietly, saying very little and doing nothing in attempt to make things more comfortable. I'm not the type of person to just sit quietly in awkward silence, so I tried everything I could to make the situation less tense. I tried to include the new girlfriend in conversation, tried talking to my ex, and talked to my ex's sister a lot of the time because she seemed to be the only one willing to throw a rope in the general direction that I was drowning in.

Shortly after, my ex took his new girlfriend and left rather unceremoniously--as if he couldn't wait to get the heck out of there. He made up some excuse to flee quickly, and no one seemed to think anything of it. Except for me, who knew better. I stayed for a little while, so as not to be rude, and chatted with everyone for a bit before taking my leave (I have to be up at 6am anyway for a doctor's appointment, so hopefully no one was offended).

Unable to shake the feeling that something was wrong, I decided to text my ex and find out what the story is. He tells me that I made his new girlfriend uncomfortable with my "fast and awkward" talking and made her feel uncomfortable by offering professional portraits as the first thing to say to her.

I'm sorry--what?

I'd never felt more abandoned in my life. I felt completely set up, as if he threw me down a mountainside without teaching me to ski properly and then got upset with me when I fell down. It's completely insane. I've never been the type of person to just sit happily in silence while I hear ice cracking beneath me. It's insane. I understand that I needed to be on my "good behavior" and to be honest, she seemed very nice, but for God's sake, I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not just so that I can make his life easier--especially when they both had every opportunity to make things less awkward by partaking in friendly conversation and not being so...well, stuck up.

To be honest, I'm not upset about the situation. I mean, it's going to be awkward no matter what. Your past love and your new one are meeting for the first time, and someone's utterly terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing, so it puts everyone a little on edge. Not to mention, I'm possibly the mother of his future children which can make things even more uncomfortable. But the fact that I was blamed for said awkwardness was I was left out in the middle of open water, all alone...? No. I'm sorry, that doesn't fly.

But that actually got me to thinking. How are you supposed to deal with meeting your Ex's new girlfriend/boyfriend? I've devised an outline of the basic "proper behavior" for this uncomfortable meeting:

1. Smile
   
   No matter how awkward the situation, or how unhappy you are to be there, smile. It tends to set people at ease.
   
2. Don't Laugh Too Loudly
   
   If you laugh too loudly, people will think you're trying too hard. Keep it light, but sincere (if you can; if you can't, fake it!)
   
3. Don't Talk About Things You and Your Ex May Have Done In the Past
   
   Whether it's skydiving, or dry-humping, don't talk about it. The only occasion where it is acceptable to discuss your past exploits is if it some how can be incorporated to involve the new girl/boyfriend.
   
4. Don't Make the Conversation About You
   
   If you can help it, try to keep the talk about yourself or your doings to a minimum.
   
5. Don't Let Your Ex Compare You
   
   If your ex starts making comparisons between you two, immediately find a way to subtly stop him/her. All it's going to do is get your ex in trouble--with you or with his new boy/girlfriend.
   
6. Stay Positive
   
   Sometimes this can be hard, especially if you still are in love with your ex. But just keep smiling and be kind--you're there because your ex is more than just your ex; he/she is your friend.
   

If you simply follow those simple guidelines, you won't fail. I know it's easier to say than do, but trust me, when the situation is reversed and he/she is meeting your new boy/girlfriend, you'll be able to get a kind of sick satisfaction knowing that your ex is feeling just like you did at this point. ;)

Maternity Photos...gulp.

Let me start off by saying how much I hate having my picture taken. I don't really know why, considering how self-centered I am and how much attention I tend to attract, but I really hate it. When I was small, I used to love being in pictures and home videos and I believe that once, as a child, I even shouted "No, no--don't look at him, look at me!" on an old home movie. I'm not exactly sure when the 180 happened, but I certainly can't stand being in photos and things like that.

As an artist, I appreciate others' work. My older brother and I share a passion for photography, although he's more intent on turning his passion into a career than I am. As a result, when he learned that I was pregnant, he jumped at the chance to take my maternity photos. I, of course, immediately declined.

Now, don't get me wrong, when my babies are born there are going to be tons of pictures of them. I plan on taking many myself--basically, every time they're in a new situation as most doting mothers would. However, I certainly do not plan on being in said photos. To be honest, if I could keep my family from taking photos while I'm in the hospital I would, but I understand that that is completely unrealistic, and I understand that it will hurt their feelings if I said so. Besides, I just keep telling myself that it's for posterity, and I manage to fool myself into thinking that I won't look too terrible after my c-section.

Anyway, my brother is an extremely talented photographer. After much debating (and growing) I finally realized how selfish I was being by being so stubborn about the pictures. The most important thing is that these photos would be something that my brother can add to his portfolio and advance his career, and it's cruel of me to not give him the opportunity just because I hate being in front of the camera. So, basically, these photos are going to be taken tomorrow, and I'm surprised at how nervous I am. I trust my brother's vision, however, being a photographer myself, and being extremely picky about how I will be presented on camera can most certainly cause some problems. Not to mention I have to tendency to be controlling.

Another thing that kind of has me on edge is that I've invited my ex (one of the possible fathers of my children) to be in the photos, and he's yet to give me an answer. Of course, I only asked him today and I can't really expect it to be an easy decision. But the bottom line is, these are maternity photos. If he is their father, I think it would be important for him to participate and have shots including him (only because his desire to participate in my pregnancy has seemed to grow and he wants to be involved in a lot of ways, and it makes me happy that we can get along and still raise these girls). If he's not the father, then at least the photos would serve well for my brother's portfolio. It's not as if once we find out the paternity of the girls that we can do these photos later, you know?

I don't know. Some times I just really hate having things up in the air. I pride myself on my ability and desire to fly by the seat of my pants. Until I got pregnant, I didn't really plan anything and just let life come at me as it wanted. ...Well, that mentality turned out to make my life a tad more interesting than I bargained for, but I really have no complaints.

I just really hope all goes well tomorrow.

Life-Altering Much?

Probably, one of the things I've been asked the most lately, is if I'm apprehensive or worried about delivering my identical twin girls.

Hi, my name is Jen, and I'm 31 weeks pregnant as of today. Let me start off by telling you a little bit about myself. I live in Florida (as I have my entire life), I'm twenty-two-years-old, currently unemployed, living with my parents, pregnant with identical twin girls, and uncertain of who the father is. Did I ever really expect this sort of thing could happen to me? That I'd ever be in this situation? To be honest, no. I'd never desired to be a mother--probably because I was told that I couldn't even have children naturally, but mostly because I'd just never had any kind of maternal instinct.

I'm not going to lie. Before I found out that I was pregnant, I wasn't really living my life "decently" as some would have it put. Besides smoking, drinking, and partying, I was in a somewhat tumultuous relationship with someone I'd been with for nearly five years off-and-on. Despite how much we loved each other, we couldn't seem to stop hurting one another. At that point in our relationship he was sleeping with someone else as as a result I started sleeping with someone I worked with (who, incidentally, was also in a long-term relationship). After breaking up and getting back together for the umteenth time (very high school, I know), we ended out respective affairs, and decided to "try to make it work" again. Also, during this time and point, I'd moved back in with my parents due to some parking issues with the complex that I was living in at the time. I was searching for rooms for rent, and possibly studio apartments in my area, finally having the income source that I would need to live without room-mates. Things seemed to be going really well for me, and I wasn't worried about anything except when I got to go out drinking next, who was having the sickest parties, and what new comics were coming out.

I'd never really thought that I could get pregnant, so when I started showing symptoms I really didn't think anything of them. I'd been told before that my chances of conceiving naturally were extremely low. It had never been a problem for me, because I've never been the "motherly" type like my sister, and I've never really liked babies in general. I had planned to adopt a young child (somewhere around age 6-10) if I ever decided that I wanted kids, simply because I didn't like babies and so many children need adoption but everyone wants to adopt little babies and toddlers it seems. As a result, whenever I had sex, my partners and I were never exactly "safe" once it had been determined that neither of us contracted any type of STDs.

Sometimes I think the whole situation is horribly unfair. Not for me, because basically the choices I've made have brought me to this point in my life and I regret nothing, but here I am--a young woman who had never wanted children before now pregnant with twins--when so many women are desperate for children and can't have them. It makes me feel guilty, and I feel for these women. My mother couldn't have children, and my parents adopted me as a result, so I know what the pain of infertility can do to a woman who desperately wants a family. For me, it was an unlikely accident for someone that others may deem "unworthy".

When I initially found out that was pregnant, I wasn't exactly excited, but I wasn't angry at Life, either. Again, I still had my job, my boyfriend and I had been under the impression that we'd never have a family and here it was presented to us, although a bit earlier than what may have been ideal. We were both excited, and started making plans immediately. It wasn't until later, until I started crunching numbers, that I realized that there was a very good chance that the baby may not be his, and I'd be forced to tell him and the other guy.

Well, rather than dredge up all of the details, after much debating, I've decided to be a single mother. If the babies are my ex's, then they'll have their father involved in their lives. He and I are still great friends despite everything, and he's been great through all of this. I know it must be hard of him a lot of the time, and I've found a new respect for him being able to handle all of this so well. If the babies aren't his, then the other guy will be informed of their birth--per his request--and I suppose that will be it, while he goes on to live his life. I'm completely content with the way the events have panned out, and it's basically just a waiting game until the girls are born to find out their paternity.

My pregnancy has been fairly normal, despite being a high-risk, identical multiple pregnancy. Unfortunately, I had to leave my job (I was a lifeguard) because I was unable to actually do it due to morning sickness and all of that in the beginning, and eventually my doctor said I shouldn't really be working anyway, so for nearly the entire duration of my pregnancy I've been "taking it easy". The hardest thing about all of this is just basically being confined to the house and not having the means to go out and do things. I've managed to keep myself busy somewhat, and luckily I have good friends who visit. I happen to be the only person in my circle of friends that is pregnant or with children, so it can be frustrating not having someone to relate to but it's not as horrible as some may make it out to be. Although, I will be able to tell you--if I knew other people with kids or other pregnant women my age it would have certainly made this pregnancy a bit less daunting.

As of now, I can't wait for it to be over. I'm excited to meet my girls (who I've named Delessi May and Rosalie Marie) and have them in my arms. I'm ready to start walking normally again, and just not feel so miserable all the time. More than anything, I'm ready to get back into shape and drop this weight--as I've always had a bit of a complex and self-esteem issues--and start working again. I'm not worried about the delivery at all, really. I'm sure I'll just be thankful, more than anything. I've never had any kind of surgery in my life, though, and apparently, I'm having a scheduled c-section. The only thing that really worries me is my recovery from the surgery and how that my hinder my parenting. I've been told not to underestimate the importance of helping hands, however my over-zealous mother has a tendency to get a bit out of control with her affections and "mother-knows-best" mentality, and the strain that may cause our relationship worries me.

I suppose that it's normal to fear the unknown, but I'm not so much afraid of it as I am slightly worried over every possible outcome. But I believe that I've been dealing with it in a positive way, and apparently, staying positive is the most important thing you can do when you're as pregnant as I am.