Working My A-- Off . . . Literally!

Okay, so here's the thing; I posted a blog a while back that pertained to weight loss and the obese. Well, I'm pretty over-weight now. I'm 5' 7" and I weigh over 180lbs. Before I had my kids, I was around 150-160lbs, so I was never exactly "skinny", but I liked my shape and the way my clothes fit. Now, I've become mildly obsessed with getting fit and getting back to a good shape.

I said before how easy it should be to maintain a good weight and how to lose weight if you stick with it and maintain a healthy lifestyle. Well, that's what I'm going to do, and I hope it works. It had always been pretty easy for me to maintain my weight before, so I know that I'm going to have to work pretty hard to lose all of my weight now.

If you read my blog before, I had 7 steps to follow to maintain a healthy lifestyle, so that's what I'm going to do. The biggest thing is that I'm not really going to hard-core diet. I'm going to watch what I eat, yes, and I'm not planning on having a cheese burger every day, but I'm not going to cut out everything I like and starve myself to achieve my ideal weight loss.

I've joined a gym. I'm going to try to go every day, and I've already gone the past two days. I go to Planet Fitness, which is only $20 a month (they also have a membership that is only $10 a month) and it's right next to my house and there's a couple by where I work so I can go there almost every day, which is what I want to do. I'm going to see a personal trainer on Thursday (it's free at my gym) and I'm going to work on a regiment to get rid of my chubby belly, my "thunder thighs", and I'm going to try to increase my upper body strength. Mostly, I just want to get into great shape.

Between work, my girls and the gym, I'm pretty sure life is going to get pretty exhausting, but I know that I can do it, and I will. I'll post updates and let you know how it goes, and everything should work, and I'm willing to work as hard as I have to without killing myself or losing my enjoyment for life, love and food. :)

Feeling Like A Minor Character in My Own Life

Lately I have been realizing how desperate I am to control what people percive me as. I know how I want to be remembered, I know the types of people I want to be around, and I know who I want to be . . . and I couldn't be further from it.

I want to be known as someone who is smart, quick, witty, mysterious, confident, funny, charming, silly, adventurous, sexy, kind, generous, layered, and ecclectic. However, I'm pretty sure I only come off as a loud werido with a habbit of being an asshole.
Obviously, that is not something to be proud of.

I feel like that fellow Norm from "Yes Man" who is so desperate for friendship from the main character, Carl, and he comes off as weird and a little pathetic and sad. But because it's a movie, we find it hilarious. I completely relate to poor Norm. I try so hard to be "cool" and fun that I come off as kind of a retard. And unfortunately, that only attracts other retards.

Don't get me wrong, I have great friends and I love them all. They're all so different and all of them have pieces of their personalities that I really want to encorporate into myself but unfortunately it doesn't really work that way, and I'm sure that I am their weird friend Jen whom they can only stand to be around for a limited amount of time.

I know the types of guys that I'm attracted to, but I seem to repel them and attract ones like me which is hardly a recipe for a successful relationship. Or they're already involved with someone else and I just can't go to that place anymore.

I just feel like such a small, strange, little character in my own life and I just wish that I had what it takes to be the leading lady -- especially of my own story.

Life As A Zombie

Okay, this isn't actually an entry about what it would really be like to be a zombie--although that would be quite interesting (and by interesting, I mean: friggin' AWESOME), so for those of you who were expecting that, sorry. :\ Actually, this is about having to adjust my life and learning how to run on a LOT less sleep than I am used to getting.

Let me start off by saying that G-d blessed me with a gift. That gift is the ability to sleep anywhere and everywhere, and to fall asleep quickly and soundly. I have been known to fall asleep standing in line, on the job, and occasionally under the tables of a bowling alley. Some may view that as a curse, but not I. I am proud of my ability, as sleeping is one of my favorite things in the world to do. In fact, I have been known to marathon sleep--which is to sleep happily all day without interruption except to eat and perhaps pee. I usually get a lot of sleep and I love it.

Now, having said that, when one has twins--or even one new baby--your sleeping patterns become seriously disrupted.

As such, I am now a living zombie.

For me, the normal number of hours of sleep I'm used to getting is somewhere around 9-10, but now? I'm lucky if I get 6. And to some of you, that may seem like a lot.

Well--it's not.

I've been sleeping at work on my breaks a lot more. I take a nap whenever I can, which isn't often because when I'm not with my kids, I'm doing house work, or running errands, working, or finding time to spend with my friends. Life has become one big blurr and only because my children (who, thank the Lord, sleep through the night and are quite good at it) go to sleep at 8pm and wake me up at 5am-7am.

I feel like I'm going to die any minute now.

In fact, I could be sleeping right now.

Goodnight.